FIDO - 2048
A look to FIDO's future by Bob Ipcar
would have thought we’d all live to see the year 2048; participate in
the Commemorative Coffee Bark celebrating fifty years of Fido In
Prospect Park! For those of us who remember the good old days, the
sight of the Cat Run where the horse corral used to be and the heated
Alligator Pool that was once the Dog Beach comes as quite a shock.
we should be grateful to our country’s second term president, Jenna
Bush, for seeing to it that all segments of society are fully allowed
to participate in the national pursuit of happiness. And we have Ms
Bush to thank for lowering the drinking age to twelve!
All in all, the future’s a good thing…
Genetics, not plastics, is the business opportunity for today’s
graduate. Even the guy who runs the “24/24 Doggy DNA” kiosk over by the
9th Street path wears a big grin. A former helio-cabby on the
Manalapan/JFK run, he’s now raking in a fortune on overnight results
from canine ear scrapings – your dog’s ancestral makeup traceable back
twenty four generations! For $300 more you can view a hundred
generations or spend the hard earned equivalent on a couple of
espressos at your favorite morning hangout.
that old time “mix-your-breeds-and-pray” natural selection? Who says
that science isn’t intelligent when it comes to design? Not only can
breeds now be split down
the middle–Poodle front; Golden
Retriever hindquarters–the metallic bronzed fur can be transformed to
turquoise overnight, thanks to the miracle formulation of Chameleon
Kibbles by Earl Sheib/GenBrush, Inc. And three cheers for the whiz-kid
who came up with the Nobel Prize winning, genetically redesigned
Pitbull. No longer need you fear lawsuits in those “iffy” situations,
thanks to detachable jaws that pop free at the push of a hand held
While some admire the Vaccu-Lab, a bear of a beast who can clean a 100
square foot area of chicken bones and tinfoil with one suck of the
breath, our canine companions of yesteryear did almost as well;
especially on Monday mornings. Of course Dane-Dachshund creations were
banned from Westminster back in 2026 when it was discovered that the
disproportionate four inch front legs/ three foot hind limbs, required
ungainly armor plated jowls. A recalibration is in the works, but don’t
bet you Wolfy-Doodle on it yet.
What goes around, comes around…
privileges are again under attack. Citizen groups throughout greater
New York as far East as New Haven are filing lawsuits against Robotic
Dogs and their owners for the lawless draining of closed circuit
bandwidth in public parks and the devouring of metal fences protecting
the newly restored wooded areas. Their GPS units mysteriously go
off-line whenever the police are summoned.
In their defense, Robotic Dogs are certainly an improvement when it
comes to bagging poop; affordable laser zappers notwithstanding. So
what if Robotic Dogs lay down oil slicks whenever they become overly
excited! And you know the sad outcome when one of these titanium
creatures goes up against Con Edison or attempts to recharge from
leaking stray voltage? Let’s just say that there’s a bunch of these flailing suckers now hurtling in geocentric orbit!
Ah, Coffee Bark 2048 is in full swing…
What a sight: vaulted bronzed ridgepoles swaying in the morning breeze;
latté machines sputtering away, powered by thirteen wind turbines atop
the ridge separating the Long Meadow from the Nethermead. The Fido
Pavilion as it’s now called, remains a permanent year around center,
replacing what was once known as the Picnic House. That was back in
2021 when Fido’s yearly donations topped the annual budget of the
Prospect Park Alliance by thirteen million dollars.
here’s Fido’s former president, Mary McInerney, gliding in over the
treetops on one of those anti-grav boards. She doesn’t look a day over
25 thanks to the decade-old discovery of the regenerative powers of dog
drool! Ah, the aroma of hot donuts wafting in the air reminds me of the
sheets of Dizzy’s muffins that were once the monthly staple during
Fido’s Paleozoic beginnings. Yeah, that’s the same Dizzy’s now
franchised in airport lounges throughout the country!
What will the next fifty years bring for Fido?
can’t begin to imagine, though there’s talk of a breakthrough in the
field of Time Travel over at the Gehry designed Markowitz Science
Center on the site of the old 15th Street Armory. Imagine going back to
any point in the past–reliving history? Imagine viewing those furtive,
black-clad figures who once clandestinely gathered in the dark of night
on the steps of the Tennis house; radical wild-eyed visionaries
committed to making Prospect Park a safe healthy place for dogs by
urging responsible supervision to ensure enhanced opportunities for
Ahead of their time, you say?
That’s an understatement. You won’t hear this kind of revolutionary talk for another thousand years!