Serving Brooklyn's Off-Leash Community

FIDO - 2048
A look to FIDO's future by Bob Ipcar

Who would have thought we’d all live to see the year 2048; participate in the Commemorative Coffee Bark celebrating fifty years of Fido In Prospect Park! For those of us who remember the good old days, the sight of the Cat Run where the horse corral used to be and the heated Alligator Pool that was once the Dog Beach comes as quite a shock.

Still we should be grateful to our country’s second term president, Jenna Bush, for seeing to it that all segments of society are fully allowed to participate in the national pursuit of happiness. And we have Ms Bush to thank for lowering the drinking age to twelve!

All in all, the future’s a good thing…

Genetics, not plastics, is the business opportunity for today’s graduate. Even the guy who runs the “24/24 Doggy DNA” kiosk over by the 9th Street path wears a big grin. A former helio-cabby on the Manalapan/JFK run, he’s now raking in a fortune on overnight results from canine ear scrapings – your dog’s ancestral makeup traceable back twenty four generations! For $300 more you can view a hundred generations or spend the hard earned equivalent on a couple of espressos at your favorite morning hangout.

Remember that old time “mix-your-breeds-and-pray” natural selection? Who says that science isn’t intelligent when it comes to design? Not only can breeds now be split down
the middle–Poodle front; Golden Retriever hindquarters–the metallic bronzed fur can be transformed to turquoise overnight, thanks to the miracle formulation of Chameleon Kibbles by Earl Sheib/GenBrush, Inc. And three cheers for the whiz-kid who came up with the Nobel Prize winning, genetically redesigned Pitbull. No longer need you fear lawsuits in those “iffy” situations, thanks to detachable jaws that pop free at the push of a hand held remote.

While some admire the Vaccu-Lab, a bear of a beast who can clean a 100 square foot area of chicken bones and tinfoil with one suck of the breath, our canine companions of yesteryear did almost as well; especially on Monday mornings. Of course Dane-Dachshund creations were banned from Westminster back in 2026 when it was discovered that the disproportionate four inch front legs/ three foot hind limbs, required ungainly armor plated jowls. A recalibration is in the works, but don’t bet you Wolfy-Doodle on it yet.

What goes around, comes around…

Off-leash privileges are again under attack. Citizen groups throughout greater New York as far East as New Haven are filing lawsuits against Robotic Dogs and their owners for the lawless draining of closed circuit bandwidth in public parks and the devouring of metal fences protecting the newly restored wooded areas. Their GPS units mysteriously go off-line whenever the police are summoned.

In their defense, Robotic Dogs are certainly an improvement when it comes to bagging poop; affordable laser zappers notwithstanding. So what if Robotic Dogs lay down oil slicks whenever they become overly excited! And you know the sad outcome when one of these titanium creatures goes up against Con Edison or attempts to recharge from lampposts
leaking stray voltage? Let’s just say that there’s a bunch of these flailing suckers now hurtling in geocentric orbit!

Ah, Coffee Bark 2048 is in full swing…

What a sight: vaulted bronzed ridgepoles swaying in the morning breeze; latté machines sputtering away, powered by thirteen wind turbines atop the ridge separating the Long Meadow from the Nethermead. The Fido Pavilion as it’s now called, remains a permanent year around center, replacing what was once known as the Picnic House. That was back in 2021 when Fido’s yearly donations topped the annual budget of the Prospect Park Alliance by thirteen million dollars.

And here’s Fido’s former president, Mary McInerney, gliding in over the treetops on one of those anti-grav boards. She doesn’t look a day over 25 thanks to the decade-old discovery of the regenerative powers of dog drool! Ah, the aroma of hot donuts wafting in the air reminds me of the sheets of Dizzy’s muffins that were once the monthly staple during Fido’s Paleozoic beginnings. Yeah, that’s the same Dizzy’s now franchised in airport lounges throughout the country!

What will the next fifty years bring for Fido?

I can’t begin to imagine, though there’s talk of a breakthrough in the field of Time Travel over at the Gehry designed Markowitz Science Center on the site of the old 15th Street Armory. Imagine going back to any point in the past–reliving history? Imagine viewing those furtive, black-clad figures who once clandestinely gathered in the dark of night on the steps of the Tennis house; radical wild-eyed visionaries committed to making Prospect Park a safe healthy place for dogs by urging responsible supervision to ensure enhanced opportunities for off-leash activity.

Ahead of their time, you say?

That’s an understatement. You won’t hear this kind of revolutionary talk for another thousand years!